Category: relationships

Swimming Upstream

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”        James 1:4

koinoboriThe koinobori fluttered in the spring breeze on the flag pole as a visible reminder that Kodomo no Hi (子供の日), or Children’s Day, was coming soon. Every May 5th, Japanese celebrate this national holiday by attaching bright, colorful streamers in the shape of carp called “koi” to express their well wishes for children. “Nobori” means “climbing” or “ascending”, so juxtaposed the words “koi” and “nobori” are translated to “carp streamers”. The Japanese greatly admire koi since they are a spirited fish that fight their way upstream, demonstrating courage and determination to attain a difficult goal. This imagery is captured by the flapping carp-shaped streamers on flag poles throughout Japan.

Originally, the number of koi flown was determined by the number of males within a household. The father was typically represented by the largest, black colored carp at the top. But in modern times, all the members of the family are now included on the pole, with a pink or red flag standing for the mother.

The koinobori expresses hope that the children of that household will grow up healthy and strong like carp swimming upstream. Larger versions of koinobori are raised in school grounds or near community centers and the timing often coincides with the blooming of nearby cherry trees, adding to the festive atmosphere. Everyone desires their children to be strong and healthy, like vigorous carp swimming upstream, but such qualities are often obtained through the challenges of adversity. It is certainly much easier to swim downstream and float with the current, but this does not produce the needed life attributes of perseverance, self-control, endurance and determination.

Many well-intentioned parents, in their zeal to protect their children to the exclusion of everything else, unwittingly obstruct such needed development and stunt their children’s growth. Swimming upstream may seem counter intuitive to our natural inclination to take the easy route, but it serves to produce strong and healthy children who are better prepared to face the inevitable challenges of life.

God desires the same for His children and as a result, wisely introduces trials, obstacles and hardships into our lives to make us strong. The goal is to help us mature and reach the full potential of all that He has created us to be and do. The Apostle James (James 1:2-4) reminds us that perseverance is a means to a very worthwhile end but many times it is hard to appreciate such long term benefits as we struggle against the current. It is therefore good to recall that we do not swim alone in such efforts and that we are not without aid as we press forward in the circumstances of life. These are truths we must pass on to the next generation as they wrestle with their own challenges and move towards the worthy goal of maturity in Christ.

Obligatory Chocolate

“I am obligated both to Greeks and non-Greeks, both to the wise and the foolish.”         Romans 1:14

Valentines3

A beautiful arrangement of various chocolates greeted me as I walked into the store, reminding me that Valentine’s Day was right around the corner. If you thought romance was in the air, you would be entirely mistaken. What was on display is actually known as “giri choco” (義理チョコ), which means literally “obligation chocolate.” This chocolate is normally purchased by women and given to their male colleagues, casual acquaintances and others as an expression of their friendship or gratitude. Romantic feelings have nothing to do with it. Giri choco is customarily given by women to the men in their life circles to help them feel appreciated during the nation-wide celebration. But there is another sub-category called “cho-giri choco” meaning “ultra-obligation chocolate.” This is given to certain men solely out of duty because you feel trapped by social circumstances to include them.

It is important to note that giri choco is not to be confused with “honmei choco” (本命チョコ), which is “true feeling chocolate” and is normally given to husbands, boyfriends or even prospective boyfriends. Honmei choco is traditionally a higher grade of chocolate that often comes in special shapes, arranged artistically in ornate confectionary boxes and is considerably more expensive.

The subtle differences between these two types of chocolates helps the recipient to avoid getting his signals crossed and misinterpreting the giver’s intent. While men are the primary recipients of chocolate in Japan on Valentine’s Day, they are certainly not off the hook. In order to sell more chocolate, the National Confectionary Association cleverly designated March 14 as “White Day,” when men must reciprocate by giving chocolate (often white chocolate), cookies, flowers or other small gifts to the women who gave them chocolate exactly one month earlier. Obligation flows in both directions; no one escapes.

“Giri” is a very important value among the Japanese, although it can at times feel oppressive and has even been described as the “burden hardest to bear.” Obligation is certainly a lower form of motivation, but there are good and bad aspects to it that should not be confused. An example of obligation as a good thing can be found in the Bible, when the Apostle Paul gladly accepted the obligation to preach the gospel to others, not viewing it as a burden, but rather as an incredible privilege (Romans 1:15-17). But sometimes even the noblest forms of obligation can subtly morph into patterns of legalism and undermine the very freedoms Jesus purchased on the cross at great cost to Himself. The fine line separating freedom and obligation can at times be hard to discern, but God has provided His Spirit to help us distinguish these matters so that we might offer up our best to Him. After all, Jesus did not enter our world to redeem us because of obligation, but rather, out of love. That is a gift worth celebrating and imitating.